I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
