I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
