I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
