Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
