yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
