you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
