Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
