Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
