I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
