she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
