watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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