Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
