Pants 0. Shit 1.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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