Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
