ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
