i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
