I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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