Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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