We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
