god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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