That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
