some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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