When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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