I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
