I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
