I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
