After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
