Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
