Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
