Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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