I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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