I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
