Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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