Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
