i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
