I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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