My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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