So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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