A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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