what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I am one with the molecules
BRING THE BAGELS
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
