I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
