i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
