I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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