Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
