Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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