i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
