i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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