ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
