Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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