An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
