We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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