Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
