he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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