i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
