I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
