What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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