Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
