I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
