She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize