The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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