sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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