Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
