so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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