I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
