I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
