Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
