How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
