like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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