So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
