So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
