I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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