I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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