So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
