Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
