Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
