If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize