Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
