Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
