ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
smell my finger.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
