The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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