my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
