The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
